Sunday, December 6, 2020

Hey there, party people. We’re at it again, romping through the tiny details of the universe in the hope that we will extract some previously undiscovered source of mana. Somehow we found that in wearing socks and brown shoes a couple days back, and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before we encounter National Dish Soap Day or National Hungry Hungry Hippos Day. This ride just keeps getting weirder and weirder, and I fear we might be weirdening ourselves along with it. It’s too late to stop now though, isn’t it? If it isn’t, please let us know. Here’s what tickled our attention yesterday:

Bathtub Party Day

The suggestions for this celebration, which was created by Thomas and Ruth Roy, those perpetually busy Pennsylvanians who have invented roughly seven dozen celebrations of note, are weird. One site tells us we should toss our little kids in the bath and let them go crazy with the bubble bath. I mean, okay. I’ve never been one for bathing multiple children at once; that seems to me like something that should have gone out of style with rotary telephones and Tab cola.

The other option I read is that we should simply take a bath with a quality bath-bomb, maybe some candles, some later-catalog Sting through our speakers and maybe cucumber slices on our eyes. But we have done that twice so far this year, and neither time did it feel like a ‘party’. That’s a cop-out.

But you know what’s always a party? Having Rosa around. She is an energy ball with more quirks and oddities than a pack of peculiar pups. Since she is our guaranteed party, we simply invited her to bring her boisterous mirth to our bathtub for a few moments. She didn’t get an actual bath mind you – that’s next weekend so she’s good and fluffy when our daughter comes home – but look at her. That right there is a party on four legs with one floppy, flamboyantly fabulous ear.

National Blue Jeans Day

What other way can this day be celebrated apart from simply wearing some jeans? I put on jeans first thing yesterday morning (which was, for us, around 11:00), and I wore them on our weekly supply run, which included doughnuts, avocados and breakfast. I like jeans, especially once they are good and worn-in. It used to be a delightful treat when casual Friday rolled around, because those were jeans days.

They were. They aren’t anymore, and haven’t been for a couple years now. To be clear, I never started experiencing Casual Friday as a part of office culture until I moved to my present office floor, back in 2014. At first it was kind of a novelty, like the first bite of a rather bland baked good – but still one you’ve never tried before. Wearing jeans meant that at the end of the day I’d be staring down dozens of hours of free time, and at least two days where I wouldn’t have to wake up at some stupid ungodly hour and drag myself to the bus stop.

Then, as my work experience turned a bit sour a few years back, my attitude began to change. We had all of our work-perks taken away from us, and my bland beige office was reduced to a blander beige cubicle. I decided that, since my job never entails me interacting with people outside of our department, I would simply wear jeans whenever I wanted to. And I did. And my bosses never brought it up to me. So I released Casual Friday and replaced it with Casual Whenever The Hell I Wanted To Day.

In 2020, jeans are fancy dress-up wear for me. All summer I wore shorts, and all spring, autumn and (let’s face it) winter I’ve been wearing sweatpants. This is my new reality. For a stretch there, I even wore sweats on our supply runs. I simply didn’t care. Now I get all fancily attired in my denim once a week. But as soon as we came home I switched back to sweats in order to decorate the house… and I hadn’t taken a photo yet. You’ll have to take my word for it – I wore the damn jeans.

Decembeard

Here’s a piece of trivia of which I was previously not aware: bowel cancer is the third biggest killer of humans on the planet. That disturbing notion is at the heart of this celebration which, much like its companion, Movember, seeks to raise awareness (and also funds) for cancer research. I believe the idea is that you should start the month clean-shaven then allow December to grow your face-pubes to their greatest extent.

That’s all groovy, but I did not begin this month clean-shaven. For the same reason I opted out of adding Movember to our list of celebrations, I am simply not in a place wherein I’d like to mess around with my facial hair situation. The beard is good. It keeps my face warm and makes me feel more jolly and Christmas-ish. So instead I’ll settle for raising awareness in this fashion: by telling y’all to get your bowels checked out. The third biggest killer of humans? I didn’t even know it was in the top three for cancers.

My beard will probably remain on my face until I scoot through the ol’ portal to the next plane, or until I need some sort of weird face surgery. I’ve welcomed its presence since October of 2013, and I’ll keep it around. And I’ll shout my bowel cancer awareness from the hills, at least virtually.

Decembeaver

This one is for the ladies who would also like to use body hair to raise awareness for cancer. It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like, and we’ll stick with the above photo to represent it, thank you very much. This one is apparently good for raising awareness of all cancers, and it certainly appears to be the most interesting way to raise awareness for pretty much anything.

That’s about enough for this one.

Today is Sunday, and as with any Sunday it’s not a day in which we want to get up to a whole lot. Here’s what’s staring us down from the other side of our calendar app:

  • National Pawnbrokers Day. Is there any chance of us heading to a pawn shop today? That’d be a big ol’ nope.
  • National Microwave Oven Day. Now we’re talking. We will use our microwave oven and celebrate its glorious existence in our lives.
  • St. Nicholas Day. We didn’t do the shoes full of candy thing, so I’m afraid this one won’t be happening.
  • National Gazpacho Day. Cold soup? In December? Pass.
  • Put On Your Own Shoes Day. Was ‘Wear Brown Shoes Day’ too much of a challenge for you a couple days back? I found an even easier one.
  • Mitten Tree Day. This is a craft project. We aren’t big on craft projects.

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