Saturday, December 5, 2020

Yesterday I spent far too much time on social media, trolling the uneducated and bold, mocking those who feel their ignorance outguns all knowledge and education in the world. It’s fun, but time-consuming. And it’s a hobby I hope to dispense with next year, along with these daily writing chores. I have this vision of my 2021 self, adrift upon a river of self-exploration, deep-diving into a singular research project that creates a more interesting and engaging result than this one, perhaps finally acquiring one of those sought-after life skills, like playing the lute, juggling chainsaws or folding a fitted sheet. Alternately, I’ll just play more video games and waste more of my hours on Facebook. Ugh. Here was how we spent our Friday:

National Cookie Day

What’s in a cookie? Would a cookie by any other name taste as sweet? Well sure, most people in England call them biscuits and they taste just fine there. Cookies got their start in 7th century Persia. Baked biscuit things were around before that, but they were not necessarily sweet, just hard baked goods folks could easily tote around in their travels. Melba toast, but somehow worse. Fortunately we’ve come a lot further in the cookie world. I’m sure there weren’t a lot of 7th century Persians who could handle the concept of a Double-Stuff Oreo. It had to evolve slowly.

Cookies come in all sizes, from tiny bite-size Famous Amos bits to those gigantic ones you can buy in a pizza box. Everyone has their own faves, and we have sampled so many over the course of this year it’s almost ridiculous. We’ve had lacy oatmeal cookies, chocolate chip cookies, ginger snaps (both with and without THC content), and a seemingly endless parade of various cookie days – more even than ice cream-related days.

And as such, I’m kind of at a loss of what to write about here. We received a sampling of cookies from our team baker (hi, Mom!) who has crafted so many wonderful snackthings throughout 2020 we suspect she will want to keep going next year, even though we won’t be celebrating any specifically. Right? Maybe? Do we need more cookies? Anyhow, we also received some through a friend of Jodie’s, most of which were popped into the freezer for later this month. Unfortunately, my mom’s cookies were so tasty we’d eaten nearly all of them before taking a photo for National Cookie Day. That’s just a 2020-esque approach

And yes. We will always need more cookies. That’s the lesson here.

Wear Brown Shoes Day

Jodie just received a new pair of winter boots yesterday. I wore my winter boots yesterday as well, when I walked the dog (my only outings from our abode apart from supply runs on Saturdays). In both cases, our footwear was brown. We took a moment and looked down at our shoes, admiring their brownness. There really wasn’t much else to do with this one.

I could find no source for this day, so I have no idea why brown shoes are singled out, yet no other shoewear seems to get its own special day for ‘wearing’. Honestly, at this point I’m not surprised anymore when this happens. Someone comes up with a goofy notion for a day, posts it online, and it finds its way into my research. So much of this year has been simply carrying on someone’s dopey concept longer than I’m sure they would have thought possible. That’s okay. Even dopey concepts deserve love.

We wore brown shoes. It wasn’t life changing. And speaking of footwear…

National Sock Day

Wow, it really doesn’t get any better than this. Celebrating brown shoes AND socks on the same day? This is like Christmas and… I’m sure there’s something else that shows up on the 25th

Pictured above are the present possessors of the title of my favourite socks. It’s not because of the banana guy, though he does delight me every time I look down and see him. But these socks were gifted to me last Christmas and they fell to the back of my sock drawer. I simply had more than a laundry cycle’s worth of socks, so it got left behind. Then I found them this fall and they were as fresh and fluffy as new. I get socks every year for Christmas, so I seldom end up buying any throughout the year. This was a bizarre yet joyous treat.

I love socks. I don’t like those little foot-only, below-the-ankle socks – those are bullshit. Good socks are hard to come by and worth the search.

Bartender Appreciation Day

I’ll be totally honest, I was my own bartender last night, and I appreciated the quality service. Had we been able to venture out to an actual bar-type establishment and experience a quality mixology experience, we would have tipped well.

The plan was to go to a place like Woodwork, which is a downtown eatery with bartenders who concoct magic in a glass. It would have been a blast, but of course 2019-Marty, who planned out the minutiae of this project with fervor and optimism, was crushed beneath the weight of a year no one had anticipated. We had to improvise, as we often do. Fortunately, I know how to pour a good beer, and even make a decent cocktail when necessary. Last night the beer did the trick. No need to get fancy.

Faux Fur Friday

Jodie took care of this one. She has this lovely faux fur coat that, while not nearly as ostentatious and show-offy as a full length mink, chinchilla or wildebeest coat might be, still keeps her toasty in the winter. And it comes with the added bonus of nobody throwing red paint on you, which may or may not be a thing that has ever actually happened in this city. Considering our roots as a fur trading fort, there might not be enough angry PETA-types in town who would resort to such measures.

And we’ll never know. Hooray for faux. Fo’ sho.

Will this be the day that breaks us? So close to the end, yet so eager to spend our hours in other, more fulfilling ways? Nah, we’ll keep at it. Here’s what’s up:

  • National Rhubarb Vodka Day. I have no idea why I thought I’d have access to rhubarb vodka somehow.
  • National Sacher Torte Day. What even the fuck is a sacher torte?
  • Bathtub Party Day. We are always down for a bathtub party, so long as someone brings the gin.
  • International Ninja Day. Nice. I’ve always wanted to be a ninja.
  • National Repeal Day. Celebrating no prohibition – this would be great if we had some rhubarb vodka lying around.
  • St. Nick’s Eve. This has to do with leaving your shoes outside your door at night, at which point they get magically filled with candy by St. Nick. Not sure I want to eat candy out of my shoes. I know what’s been in there.
  • Earmuff Day. It’s going to be a little warm for this.
  • National Blue Jeans Day. I will wear blue jeans. I will wear them proudly.
  • World Soil Day. Perfectly logical to celebrate this when we can’t see the soil for the foot of snow on top of it.

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