Monday, October 5, 2020

With our eyes tilted ever precariously toward the glories of shedding this project and moving on to a career in our Canadian classic rock cover band (we call ourselves Honeymoon & The Suites), we remain ever-tethered to the perpetual present. This is where the magic lies, where the secrets of the universe are stitched into the lining, where the horizon meets our eyeline and introduces itself as Raoul. Our great lesson of 2020 has been to hold this present close and cherish it, since the future is not guaranteed and the past is subject to rampant subjectivity. This project has, I begrudgingly admit, helped. Here was yesterday’s offering:

National Taco Day

The history of the taco is immense. It predates the arrival of the Spaniards on Mexican soil, and it is ubiquitously interwoven with Latin cultures all up and down Central America. There are so many ways to prepare a taco I couldn’t possibly list them all here, and if I did, I would blame absolutely no one for not reading it.

The best tacos we’ve had in the city are from Tres Carnales downtown, but I’ve been advised the taco game in Edmonton is surprisingly good. There was no leaving the house yesterday for us, so I seasoned some beef and made my own. I prefer steak or chorizo tacos myself, but it’s really hard to do a bad taco.

That’s not to say I haven’t sampled some mediocrity in the taco game before. Taco Bell makes tacos I have yet to enjoy without a bit of an alcohol or cannabis buzz going on (and at that point they are fucking amazing), and I’ve also had some vegetarian tacos that I’d just as soon never think of again.

But it’s easy to stroll through the minefield of tacos without getting your meal blown up by a sub-par packed tortilla shell. Tacos are divine, and it’s about time they had their day.

Country Inn, Bed & Breakfast Day

Is this cheating? Nah, it’s not cheating.

We celebrated this one just over a week early. For brunch we like to dine at a few places, but none are more exceptional than Barb & Ernie’s Old Country Inn. It’s not technically an ‘inn’, as you can’t stay overnight there. Actually I’m kind of curious why they put that word in the name of the restaurant. Neither Barb nor Ernie are still involved with the business (their astoundingly capable and talented son and daughter-in-law took over a few years back), so they can’t help me with this nugget of info.

So this will have to count for our celebration – the same brunch that enabled us to celebrate National Pancake Day last month. Staying at a bed & breakfast sounds like a delightful way to holiday, and I hope the world shifts back into a somewhat normal state of being in the near future so that we can try it out, but for now we’ll have to settle for the kind you eat at, not the kind you sleep at.

But when the pancakes are this good – or the eggs benedict, which is our usual go-to – it’s most certainly a celebration. Even a double one, when necessary.

International Toot Your Flute Day

This is a day for people to boast about their accomplishments. Because apparently pride is at such a premium in this world with so much humility taking up all the space, we’re supposed to make a special day for it.

Well fine. For the purposes of notching this celebration into the wall (which is threatening to topple over from having so many notches carved into it), here we go. I consider myself a passably decent writer, with moments of exquisiteness. Calling racoons “nature’s Hamburglar” was a high point for me last week. I know that if my quality slips below what I’d like it to be, I can make up for it with readable quantity. I don’t know if that’s a prominent button on my flute (do they call those things buttons?), but there it is. I have learned the secret to eliminating writer’s block: create a stupid project that forces you to never have writer’s block.

I’m also a pretty decent cook. I’m an even better eater. I’m obviously fairly decent at raising children as I’m two for two on having awesome adults carved from my various teachings and poor examples. I have better taste in music and movies than anyone else I know, at least according to me. And since this is my flute I’m tootin’, that’s the only measure I need to go by. I also have a great memory, at least for things with almost no relevance like every episode of WKRP In Cincinnati, and the words to “One Night In Bangkok”, neither of which come up in conversation very often.

Most of all, I have great taste in women. I picked an absolute gem a quarter-century ago, and I had the good sense to hang on to her, and to keep her happy by occasionally saying really nice things about her in these articles. Not bad for a flute.

Improve Your Office Day

This was an easy win for the day. Before this project we had no offices in our home – Jodie had a sort-of office in the corner of her classroom and I had a beige cubicle downtown within which I learned the careful art of falling asleep while actually clicking my way through a spreadsheet. I kid, of course. I learned that skill years earlier in a different beige cubicle, but the skill has served me well ever since.

Now we each have an office in our home, having banished our children’s bedrooms into the pit of distant memory. Both of our offices are works in progress, with a particular need for window coverings, in particular as the sun sets earlier and earlier and we’d rather our neighbours not see what we’re up to. I mean, sometimes a guy has to play video games naked, right? No? Well, you’ll all be singing a different tune on National Play Video Games Naked Day, which is probably right around the corner.

So yesterday, in spite of having little time to specifically devote to celebration, I dove in and made a little tweak to improve my office. Specifically, I adjusted the position of my one colourful light so that it’s visible in my webcam. So now I can amaze and impress my coworkers with the 18 inches of the room that look “funky”.

National Vodka Day

This one needs no lengthy missive. Vodka is the water of existence herself, and intimately intertwined with numerous European cultures. It’s the most straightforward drink there is: it looks like water, and apparently it’s the drink you’ll want to consume when you aren’t looking for any traces of said drink on your lingering breath.

Vodka is a blank canvass, with so many different ways to savour it. Our method of delivery these days is mixed with soda and a splash of lime. There’s really nothing else that needs adding to the mix – that’s a perfect beverage.

And there was no way we’d let this day go by without a healthy nod. It was a Sunday, so indulging with any sense of excess was out of the question. But we enjoyed some with soda water and lime, and Jodie did her best to try to store the drink’s numbing effects in some sort of corporeal reserve to help her get through the next week.

Vodka is magnificence in a bottle. This was a perfect little party.

And here we go, on another carousel ride around the same 24-hour scenery, with a new menu of celebrations awaiting us to indulge or skip right over:

  • National Consignment Day. Are we going to a consignment store to buy used clothing today? Probably not.
  • National Get Funky Day. I literally do this every day, so celebrating this won’t be a problem.
  • National Rhode Island Day. This one might be tricky. We’re falling behind on our states again.
  • National Do Something Nice Day. Just one nice thing? I can probably handle that. Or get Jodie to do it.
  • National Apple Betty Day. I don’t think our team baker is on board with this one, and that means we probably won’t eat it.
  • World Teachers Day. I definitely feel that teachers deserve a massive shout-out of praise right now, and not even because I’m married to one.
  • National Kiss A Wrestler Day. Looks like I’ve got only a few hours left to learn how to wrestle.
  • International Day of No Prostitution. I will not prostitute myself at all today. Jodie won’t either, or so she tells me.
  • Blue Shirt Day. Bullying prevention. Okay, we can do this.
  • Chic Spy Day. Who wants to spy on a 1970s disco band?
  • Global James Bond Day. I guess we’ll see if this has something to do with the former entry.
  • World Architecture Day. I love architecture, so this might be worth a visit.
  • National Storytelling Day. And who doesn’t love a good story?

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