Monday, July 6, 2020

Apologies to all, and yet at the same time, apologies to none. Yesterday was my final stretch of solar arc to enjoy some sort of vacation, at least for now. I felt very little desire to pen a lengthy meandering diary of our celebrations, though the celebrations themselves were still honoured. So in the briefest of forms, please accept the following as my devotion to non-stop merriment, while allowing for a pause in writing out my ass about it. Here’s what we got up to:

National Hawaii Day

We enjoyed a delicious barbecued pork dish along with some incredible grilled pineapple for dinner last night. Pineapple is not native to Hawaii, having been introduced there by the Spanish in the 1700s, but it has come to represent the tropical majesty of the Aloha State, the most recent addition to the nation.

Hawaii is one of the states I want to visit the most. I’ve been there, but I was four years old and from what I recall it rained for six of the seven days we were there. I don’t think that counts; I think I have reclaimed my Hawaiian virginity, as it were. Interesting to note that, even with so much coastline around all 137 islands in the archipelago, there are still three states (Alaska, California and Florida) with more coast.

To be expected, the list of awesome famous people from Hawaii isn’t as long as you’ll find for, say, New York. But you’ve still got Bruno Mars from Honolulu, Bette Midler from Honolulu, Jason Momoa from Honolulu, Barack Obama from Honolulu, Timothy Olyphant from Honolulu, Nicole Kidman from Honolulu, Israel Kamakawiwo’ole from Honolulu, Jack Johnson from North Shore, Oahu, Jonah Ray, current host of Mystery Science Theater 3000, from Kailua, and Tia Carrere from Honolulu. So, almost everyone is from Honolulu, which makes sense. Also, Hawaii has the longest lifespan for humans of any state in the US. So there’s something to be said for paradise.

And there’s something to be said for grilled pineapple.

National Workaholics Day

True to the day, though we took time off from our regularly scheduled work (hence this abridged article), I did watch an episode of Workaholics in the evening. I spared Jodie this treat – she wouldn’t be a fan. The show still cracks me up though.

As far as being an actual workaholic, I’m all for it, as long as the work is inspiring, gratifying, and it feeds the soul. My office-drone job doesn’t do this, though Jodie’s day job does. Luckily I have this weird mess to pour my heart into. Party on.

National Bikini Day

Jodie wore one, albeit a day early when she’d had hopes of sitting outside in the sun. The rain, as predictable as the sunrise in Edmonton this year, foiled her plans. She will wear a bikini, but she will not do so off our property, nor did she give me consent to publish a photo of her wearing one for this project. I tried. I tried reinforcing the power of a photograph to capture the essence of our celebrations, and pointed out how smokin’ hot I think she looks in a bikini.

But no dice. So instead I offer up the above photo of Claudia Schiffer in a bikini. Hey, I gave Jodie a chance to be the supermodel hottie for today’s article. It sure as hell wasn’t going to be me.

Mechanical Pencil Day

Aboard the HMS Pandora, which sank in 1791, an early example of a mechanical pencil was found. That’s right, the mechanical pencil has been around for well over 200 years. And we still use them – in fact we both used one yesterday. It was a delightful celebration.

And that’s really about all there is to say. It’s an office supply celebration, so simply using the office supply and maybe learning a factoid or two about it (the first spring-loaded mechanical pencil was patented in 1877! That’s two!) is enough to qualify. From what I can find, there is no reason for this day to be the mechanical pencil’s official day, unlike the bikini, which debuted 74 years ago on July 5.

Also, the above photo is rather dull, mostly because I couldn’t find a photo of Claudia Schiffer holding a mechanical pencil. Sorry, fans.

Back to a semi-normal life today of clocking in to my home-office world. And we’ve also got all this fun stuff to tackle:

  • National Hand Roll Day. Sushi tonight? Perhaps. We’re a little tired of grocery store sushi; maybe it’s time we head to a gas station for some real seafood adventure.
  • National Fried Chicken Day. Also available from quality gas stations everywhere.
  • International Kissing Day. Well, this should be fun. We’ve had a few kissing days already, what’s wrong with one more?
  • Kupala Night. An eastern Slavic holiday featuring… waterfights?
  • Take Your Webmaster To Lunch Day. I am my own webmaster, so I’ll treat myself to a tasty lunch today.
  • Umbrella Cover Day. Should I cover myself from the solar rays coming through the window beside me? Probably, at least for a photo op.
  • Virtually Hug a Virtual Assistant Day. A day to tell Siri just how much we love her.

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