Thursday, January 2, 2020

What a way to launch the project. A vicious hangover, pushed back by a plunge into ice-cold water.

National Hangover Day

Well, I (Marty) did this up right. Jodie consumed all of two beverages on New Year’s Eve, while I devoured four vodka-sodas, an unfathomable quantity of Smirnoff peach vodka shots (to ensure maximum pain), and a sizeable cannabis vessel after midnight. Yes, I knelt to the porcelain gods and yes, I gave them several offerings. And the hangover yesterday morning (which has yet to cease its sonorous whine this morning) was nothing short of exquisite. If nothing else, at least I started off this project with integrity. Jodie would be quick to catch up.

Tournament of Roses Parade

An easy way to glide into a rather difficult day. Coffee and Advil battled my pain, while we enjoyed two hours of commercial free floats, horsies and marching bands. As always, it was a delightful way to welcome the new year, but there would be no time for college football today. We had business to tend to.

Polar Bear Swim

This was brutal. We did not have access to any sort of official Polar Bear Plunge – the actual one in Edmonton takes place on January 26, and is intended to raise money for the Special Olympics – I highly recommend you check it out and attend.

We made our own little plunge in our dogs’ wading pool. We filled a number of Culligan water jugs and stashed them in the garage overnight, thus ensuring they were at peak chill for the dip. We poured them in the pool about an hour before the swim, allowing a few ice bits to form on the surface, like the crest of a perfectly chilled root beer on a sweltering day. The soak was agony, but an invigorating smack in the tuchus to the hangover that had been blasting my bones.

National Bloody Mary Day

For this delicacy we headed over to the Cactus Club at West Edmonton Mall, where they serve their Bloody Marys with a garnish of chorizo, bocconcini and a little pickle. One could say that shrinkage-burdened pickles were becoming a theme for the day. Jodie was not a fan of the beverage, but she braved a sip. I found it to be the perfect near-fatal blow to my hangover, and a spicy, wonderful beverage. I’d absolutely have another one, just as soon as I’m able to mentally cope with the thought of drinking again. It might be a while.

Bonza Bottler Day

On each day this year where the month number and day number sync up, we’ll be celebrating Bonza Bottler Day with a bottle of something unusual. I savoured a Mexican Coke, which is made with cane sugar rather than high-fructose corn syrup, and therefore tastes exactly like the Coke of my childhood, or so my brain has decided. It was downright refreshing. Jodie had a Pop Shop cream soda, which was a little sweet, but it hit the spot. And in case we were worried we wouldn’t be consuming enough liquids yesterday…

Liberation Day in Cuba

We’d like to be in Cuba to celebrate this in person, but then the polar bear plunge would have been tragically unimpressive. So we settled for the Cuba Libre, also known as a rum & Coke. Here’s my pro-tip: pour the rum into a shaker with some ice, squeeze in some lime and a few splashes of angostura bitters. Shake, strain over ice and pour in the Coke. It may change the way you drink rum & Coke. Or, given that it requires more ingredients and extra steps, it may not. Sometimes you’re just in a hurry, I get it. This one was delicious.

Circumcision of Christ

Yes, if Jesus was born on Christmas Eve, as per the story, he would have had his Bris on January 1. This is, of course, the Jewish ritual of foreskin-lopping. This inspired us to make a short film, using our very limited cinematic talents. Please enjoy, and don’t send hate-mail.

Public Domain Day

Movies and books released in 1924 fell into the public domain yesterday, so we called up Buster Keaton’s classic Sherlock Jr. This has been available on Youtube for years, but now we can watch it guilt-free. It is 44 minutes of manic joy. Nobody did physical comedy like Buster. It’s part fantasy, part romance, and mostly a pure action-comedy. Keaton may have been the greatest comedic genius of the 20^th century.

Thankfully, today will be a smidgen lighter than yesterday, and will feature absolutely zero plunges into frigid fluid.

• National Buffet Day. We may need to let this one go, as we have to take our kid to the airport for her flight back to school. Besides, the only buffet in our neighbourhood is overpriced and far less than yummy. We’ll see about this one.
• National Science Fiction Day. We will be grooving to sci-fi music all day, and if we get any down-time we’ll spend it watching a sci-fi show.
• National Personal Trainer Awareness Day. We’ve got an appointment booked, and chances are she’s going to make us suffer. We aren’t big exercisers (I know… it’s shocking), but we’ll give this a shot.
• National Cream Puff Day. A perfect complement to the personal trainer appointment. We’ll stop at a bakery and get something yummy.
• Berchtoldstag. This is an Alemannic holiday celebrated in Switzerland and Lichtenstein. Various theories exist regarding the name – I think they just wanted another holiday to recover from New Year’s. A “nut feast” is enjoyed on this day, so we’ll be snarfing down some cashews.
• Run It Up The Flagpole And See If Anyone Salutes Day. We’ve got a lot of ideas of how to celebrate this year, and we’ll spitball some of the weirder ones. Hopefully we land on some ideas that don’t involve pain and suffering for our art.
• National Breast Appreciation Day. We could go so many directions with this. In order to maintain our young, pure audience, we’ll probably just enjoy some white meat chicken.
• National Swiss Cheese Day. Neither of us are big on Swiss cheese, but we will eat some anyway because this is what we do.
• Happy Mew Year For Cats Day. We don’t have cats, so this may involve a visit to a friend-cat.